I am going into about 5 years and 2 different jobs of working outside of the home post having children. I realized this week that the things I've been attributing my fear to no longer hold water. There is more going on here than simply the work I have chosen or me being new to it.
So I'm magically working with this awareness and acceptance of my fears by coming up with creative ways to keep me moving forward. This includes giving my fear/anxiety a name - Terry the Hollowgast (as inspired by Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children), coloring my emotions (I'm collecting a lot of very helpful data), sitting with myself and newest on my list of creative ideas, writing myself a letter of encouragement.
I often feel fear when returning to teaching after there has been a break. This can be as long as the 2 week break I have over Christmas or as short as a weekend. I do pretty good when I'm in the flow, but when I get some time for self care, being with my family and interacting in alone time with my ImagineNation, I have a really hard time breaking out of that (I have A LOT of fun there. Ha!) to go back to the Real World. This morning was a particularly strong bout of fear (I think an influx in caffeine yesterday could have contributed to it too), but I felt debilitated by it, and it lasted way longer into my teaching day than normal.
I made a note to myself this morning: write down my feelings and reflections after day 1 of art camp. Right when I got home I pulled out some paper and started writing. I knew that I needed to write to myself while I was still riding the high of being successfully done with day 1 because today really was a good day. It really did go well.
So I wrote a letter to "Beginning Again Mandy." This letter can be read by me anytime I am coming off of a break and feel out of sorts and fearful about entering back into the Real World.
This is an example of how an artist can act as a magician and creatively MAKE a way through for herself. Time traveling Mandy of the future writes to the scared Mandy of today. I can't tell you yet what the results will be, but I have a hunch it will be, if nothing else, a quite comforting read. I'm a little shy to share it with you, but I think it's important, as the founder of The Magic School, to share what real magic in action looks like to me.