Feeling pulled TOWARDS

Yesterday I mentioned this polar feeling of being pulled towards and pulled away from people. Today I wanted to speak to that feeling of being pulled towards. 

I received a card in the mail today from one of my Secret Message Society Art Print Members.

Letter from Magical Apprentice, Joni McKeown

Letter from Magical Apprentice, Joni McKeown

But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Before I opened the card I had gone on a walk. The reason I went on a walk is because I received a letter from one of The Magic School Apprentices (pictured above), and the whole theme of the letter read like a magic spell that got me unstuck and un-paralyzed in my entirely stuck Monday.

When I finished reading it I knew my only choice was to get physically moving in hopes that would spur something mentally. And you know what, it worked! On my walk I had epiphany after epiphany and found secret message after secret message, and the theme of the walk became, I just have to follow the white rabbit and do the very next thing even though it almost always seems trivial, small, inconsequential and like I'm merely using a toothpick to chip away at some big bolder that contains inside the entirety of my magic.

The reason I must do what the white rabbit (curiosity and wonder) reveal next is because it lights up the artist child inside of me to do so (something Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way is reminding me). It lights me up because it feels like a scavenger hunt and an adventure and it feels like there is time in my life to divert the responsibilities and just play and when I feel lit up inside, then I don't begrudge the time I have to {get to} spend doing things in my day that aren't my favorite. 

So it is at this moment, returning to my home from my walk that I checked my mailbox and found the card inside. It's this Curly Girl Design. The card reads:

We must absolutely do what we Love, or we run the risk of doing nothing at all.

It has this picture of a toolbox, which is magical because on my walk I collected things and when I got home I put them in a toolbox that my daughter gave me yesterday because she didn't have a use for it anymore. What I collected with my hands and put in my toolbox is going to become a future Messy Canvas project, so it was so amazing to read these words on the card as well:

What if our hearts and our hands shared an occupation? Oh, what a rich and wonderful life!

Inside there was a handwritten note and a tiny card that said "Open for HOPE" that made me tear up with the synchronicity. I want to say, "How could she know?" but how can I when this is what the Secret Message Society is all about...that the secret message you most need always shows up. Of course she would know.

So I'm thinking about how odd (maybe unexpected is a better word) it is that a year of self-reliance would include other people. People I'm connecting with through The Magic School and the Secret Message Society. People who get me and get what I'm saying and are making beliefs in a similar manner, which is why we get to cross paths. How odd it is that in choosing to rely on myself and say what I need to say and do what I need to do I am attracting other beautiful people who will say to me yes, yes, yes and here's how it's working for me and so please do keep going. 

Suddenly this quote from Emerson makes so much sense to me:

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, – that is genius. Speak your latent conviction, and it shall be the universal sense; for the inmost in due time becomes the outmost, – and our first thought is rendered back to us by the trumpets of the Last Judgment.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

Remember in my last post when I said:

  • I am contemplating gathering data in support of abundance instead of lack.

I think this is an example of that. It can feel as if, if I open myself to too many people then I won't have enough me to give out or I'll lose sight of my personal necessary and healthy boundaries.

But I am trying to reframe that. To think of it is as people are coming in abundance supporting my magic and make believing it can work for them in their own way BECAUSE I am speaking up and I am putting certain aspects of my self out. In other words, their response is an affirmation and a gratitude to what I have already done, not cause for doing more for them. It is a cheer to continue in my way, to carry on as I am. This is connection. And the more people that want to show up with that sort of support? Well, that is a form of abundance, and I will take all I can get. This is a big paradigm shift for me, so it is still scary and new and vulnerable and I'm trying to tread softly in this freshly discovered territory.