A few different rabbit trails have brought me to one clearing in the woods. The clearing is, I need to map out my emotions and see if I can get my brain to reprogram how to deal with them. My tendency is to shut-down, pull in, hideaway and even cancel my own creative plans when my emotions feel negative and I feel threatened by engaging with the Real World. But I believe it doesn't have to be this way, and there are a few different secret messages I've gathered that give me hope.
These rabbit trails include:
- The self-paced eCourse Dear Artist and the personality assessments there-in that Hillary Rain suggests.
- Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins which I was referred to by a few connections on Instagram.
- Conversation with creative women, which included the lyrics of a Radiohead song called There, There - "Just because you feel it doesn't mean its there" (thank you, Laura) and a joint tarot reading (we pulled cards for each other) led by the magic of Lakin and her meaningful decks.
- This quarter planning module.
- Everything Janae Charlotte is saying right now.
- And ever-returning-to-here to assimilate who I am - my birth chart by KV of Aquarius Nation.
- My 5 and 7 minute sit experiments.
- Remembering this process as training for Terry the Hollowgast.
- (I think that's all the rabbit trails right now. I may edit this later if I left one out.)
I've written a Magic School Mini about the movie Inside Out before, and so this is yet another way that I'm using that fictional portal to bring magic into my Real World. I've color coordinated my feelings with the characters in that movie. Though this doesn't cover all the emotions, these are general enough that most of my emotions can fit into these categories.
Colored pencils are easy to carry around with me, and while I can't capture all the emotions in my day, scribbling in some colours and jotting a brief note is giving me a decent overview of what "negative" emotions I am feeling the most. I am amazed that just having a little box to colour in helps the child in me feel safe, cared for and seen, which in and of itself sort of dissolves the negativity because there is something to DO with what I'm feeling. I get to feel and colour it. The feeling doesn't have to be thought through or solved, it just has to be felt and seen. Also good to note is how quickly one feeling will come on the heels of another. It's humorous to me how quickly one feeling can pass and another can come, and if I am not determined to cling to and figure out the "negative" feeling then the "positive" one can come on through freely. I'm not really charting joy, (unless it is notably intense) because I really feel joy a lot, and I'm not going to sit and colour yellow all day. Joy is my core feeling which is also a nice discovery.
I'm already seeing that fear is my number one "negative" feeling, which comes as no surprise. As someone who lives very cerebrally (I am in my head and thoughts quite a lot - where do you think the ImagineNation is?!) it makes sense that fear would be a natural go to for me when I'm out of balance. I can make belief all sorts of impossible things before breakfast, and some of them aren't necessary, beneficial or healthy to my living and growing. So I'm watching what comes up, InsideOut style, without judgement and getting to play with colour, which pleases the Artist as Magician in me. And I am showing myself that just because I feel something doesn't mean it's there. The feeling is there - but the manifestation of that in the Real World may not be there at all. Or if it is there, it might be beyond my control, and so I feel it, accept it and continue on in my way and let IT be.
*My emotions experiment continues, as does my following the white rabbit. I trust your are doing your own white rabbit sort of following. YOUR magic wants to take you places, weaving you through both the Imagine Nation and the Real World. >>>