I took myself on an artist date last night. This is something I try and honor weekly.
Last night it consisted of:
1. Glitter nail polish called Kaleidoscope Eyes. I'm big on finding #secretmessages in the titles of things. (I still have yellow fingernails, I've just added a bit of pizazz.)
2. Peach bubble tea and copious amounts of time to cut and paste perhapses. (*Bonus was I got to sketch strangers for the upcoming Secret Message Society Zine AND listen to boisterous laughter from a small party of early twenty-somethings. It felt good to be sharing space with their energy.)
3. A stack of library books so I could dive deeply into my glorious obsession.
The library itself was a scavenger hunt. It's been awhile since I went there to do research and then let the rabbit trails take me where they pleased. First, I searched on the computer. Then, I asked a librarian for help. Finally, I made my way slowly to the other side of the library, allowing any and every title to call out to me on the way if it so desired. I was picky, but open to synchronicity. I think I found a few gems. Or they found me.
Someone asked me what exactly it was I was researching for. I didn't have a good answer right away, although I really enjoyed the question. I seem to always be conducting research. Why is that?
It was later that evening I realized the simplest and truest answer:
"I'm working on a project. I have been for years. The project of becoming me."
I'm collecting clues. Connecting the dots. Curating secret messages. Amassing art. I am finding out why I've done the things I've done, and why I continue to evolve along an invisible thread that roots all of me to my unique flavored core. I am a detective on my own case, and let me just tell you, in tonight's episode, the story was crammed full of ah-ha moments.
I have a feeling if I can just decode a few of these books they will confirm some additional inklings.
What exactly to do with all the evidence?
Perhaps one should live it.
I am, after all, making a case for myself.